Extremely clever writing from Marco Kaye and Sloan Schang over at McSweeney's.
Two of my favorites from the post with an example from my own collection:
Inkwell: You’re moody, manipulative, and irritatingly powerful. Your photos tend to be of a lone figure silhouetted by a shaft of sunlight. Shoot a biker on a bridge and many will follow, but hashtag hard. No less than twenty is a good rule of thumb. Your comments will fill up with more hearts than a charm bracelet.
X-pro II: If you have a chance to buy an El Camino, do so.
While I have no clue what filters I've used most often on Instagram (I use whatever makes the photo look how I felt when taking it), these descriptions are hilarious.